What is it to be young and а lesbian?


	What is it to be young and а lesbian?
back main page to be a lesbian

...I feel very strong, special, independent, and brave...

...It was scary sometimes. I felt very insecure in myself. At other times, I felt proud and really happy!...

So - you want to be a lesbian

This is neither easy nor simple, and it is not mysterious at all. First, there comes the question where one lesbian can find women like her. This is not a question you could pose in the neighbourhood cafe (unless we talk about my neighbourhood). The lesbians are invisible. One of the most commonly discussed issues on the topic here is namely that we do not differ in anything from other women, unless we wish to express our difference. The lesbians don't have distinctive external traits as many of the male homosexuals. Feminine outlook is natural for many of us, even more than for the heterosexual women. We, the lesbians do not parade and don't hit on every attractive woman. Actually, we prefer to keep our sexuality in our bedrooms. Unfortunately in Bulgaria, there is no lesbian organization, no thematic clubs which are well-known as meeting places for women with homosexual orientation. There are no psychologists who could offer advice to the young confused girl, and there are no lesbian clubs... there is nothing from what the lesbians in Western countries enjoy. Every young girl is left out on herself and the turns of fortune. Luckily, the situation changed after Internet entered our homes. The web made us more reachable, more easy to discover and in this way, the Internet space increased the young lesbian`s chances to find support, friendship, and advice for practically everything...
It was high time for that to happen!

...Once I have accepted my sexual identity, I discovered that I am more engaged and more valuable in my friendship relations because I was in harmony with myself!...

...I felt very depressed and less worthy because of the intolerance toward lesbians which I faced upon all the time. Then surprisingly, I discovered that I could educate individuals of my generation in tolerance and correctness toward the lesbians...

There is no right or wrong way to be a lesbian. Because of the social stereotypes about lesbians with which we grew or still grow up, if you are lesbian, you may feel insure in some moments of your life. But as I`ve previously mentioned, there are lesbians everywhere. In all social strata, in all professions, in all educational levels. Sexual orientation is just one part of the individual personality. You probably have the interests and hobbies of your heterosexual friends. Because of some homophobic and racist prejudices, some people will not accept you as a normal human being. Lesbians are subjected to discrimination and violence. That is why the Western democracies have many organisations which defend the civic and social rights of the lesbians. Life in the world around us can be cruel to the young woman sometimes. Going through the period of adolescence is one of the most confusing experiences for a young girl. At this time, your body changes quicker than in any other period of life. Hormone levels
change, and they impact on your body; then, the latter change influences your perceptions. Thus at one point, your mood may be elevated and you`ll feel happy only to become depressed in the next moment without any real reason. The rules of your life change. You are expected to behave as an adult. Your parents transfer you more and more obligations and responsibilities of an adult person...for example to work during the summer, to take care of some chores in the household, or something else. At the same time, your family does not give you the rights of an adult person, for example to come back home whenever you like.

The relationship between you and your parents changes. You are becoming more independent, and they have to get used to this fact. It is not easy for either of you. And suddenly...in the light of all that , something you never thought of two or three years ago- sex- pops up into the picture, and you consider it the most important question in the world. If you are a lesbian...or bi-sexual...or you you vaguely suppose that girls attract you - the problem with sex and your confusion would be stronger and more confusing because possibly no one - neither family, nor school or society has taken care to prepare you for this life- changing experience. As a very young girl, your parents, relatives, and friends have surely asked you jokingly which boy you like or are in love with. Maybe they have talked to you of the ''time when you grow up and fall in love'' or the ''time when you`ll get married.'' But I`m almost 100% convinced that no one has talked to you about the time when you`ll grow up and fall in love with another woman, or about the time when you will live together with a woman like you.

Television, movies, and magazines depict men who hug and kiss women. The music you listen to, represents only love toward the opposite sex. And everything around you, teaches and shows you how the boy likes the girl, and the girl likes the boy...Even your friends talk only about men... All of this makes the situation very hard for a young girl because there is nothing to prop upon, to find support and understanding. Though difficult, you may find some information in books, magazines or over the Internet which can help you and respond to some questions. Try to find materials as well as people with whom you can talk and who can help you understand three main things:

First: To be a lesbian or bi-sexual is normal and healthy condition of your sexuality. This is nothing more than a part of your identity- of what you are as a person- as you are tall or short, blond or red-headed... dark-skinned or white...

Second: It takes time to understand who you are exactly. And what you are. This confusion and even fear in some moments is normal and understandable. It is normal to be insecure whether you are a lesbian, heterosexual, or bi-sexual. And it takes time to determine who you are. It is unnecessary to force yourself and over-dramatize.

Third: You are not the only one!!! Right now, one in every ten girls ask themselves if she is a lesbian, and all of them are lonely and confused... and each tries to find someone with whom she can talk on this topic. There is a huge number of women who have gone through the way you`re starting to follow. And if you are consistent and determined, you`ll surely find the woman who has an experience and is willing to give you a friendly hand and a piece of advice. I sincerely believe in that and hope that you`ll find your answers...!!!