Whether and why am I a lesbian


	Whether and why am I a lesbian
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''...When I was young, I wanted to grow up and live with my best girlfriend. This wish did not change when I really grew up...''

''...When I was young, I fell in love with my girl friends, but I was made to think that these feelings would fade away in time. I was expected to read books which explained how the girl fell in love with the boy, and the boy fell in love with the girl. Such book I've never read...''

During the school years, most girls start having intimate feelings, and they experience the thrill of the first dates. Many girls feel emotionally and physically attracted to boys. But many other girls feel emotionally and physically attracted to girls. You may possibly find that who really attracts you are the other girls. You may feel that you differ from your friends a little, and you do not share their joys and excitement sometimes. That while your girlfriends desire, speak, and think of dating boys, you dream of, speak, and think about dates with girls. You don't like dating boys, and you start asking yourself: ''Why don't I meet boys who are like these wonderful girls with whom I go out?'' You can feel frustrated and insecure in yourself when the question ''Am I a lesbian?'' pops up in your mind. Many adults will tell you that you are too young to self- determine yourself as a lesbian, that this is just temporary emotional state that will fade away by itself, and even that you don't know what you are talking about. And these thoughts would reflect their experience in denying the fact that some of them were lesbians since their young age. When I had my first sexual experience with a woman, I was too young to appreciate the physical side of the relationship. But the emotional side of my first touch to my essence is a memory which will warm me up to the end of my life. I was not embarrassed by my first feelings and thrills...for me, they were gift from God, and i was intoxicated by the feeling of being a woman in love...with a woman.

Also, a young girl can get confused if she feels emotional and physical attraction to boys and girls at the same time. This attraction to both sexes is also normal. Many women have intimate contacts with men and women in a parallel or consecutive fashion throughout their lifes. Some of these women determine themselves as lesbians or heterosexual later on. Others continue to feel and maintain a balance between their emotional and physical contacts with both sexes. Human sexuality develops constantly during the active sexual experience; thus, you don't need to worry about your sexual identity. Some girls state that they have felt different even in their young age. They were bored by their girl friends` chat about boys and were interested in their own sex. But it has taken them time to realize and name the feelings which they had. Then, when they started to think of themselves as lesbians or bi- sexuals, these feelings started making sense- those same feelings with which they grew up. Many other women did not discover these feelings when they grew up and when they appeared, these women got confused. In a sense, everyone has experienced attraction to one's own sex at some point of her life. To the awesomely beautiful and young teacher, or to the older sister of your friend, for example. The fact that every person's best friend is from her same sex is a point to the case. Of course, it doesn't mean that she is a lesbian. I just give an example of a natural attraction to one's sex. Moreover, one or two sexual relationships with women will not make you a lesbian, as one or two sexual experiences with men will not make you heterosexual. It is also important to know that you may not be sexually active or even a virgin and still be a lesbian. Your feelings, your psychological and emotional attraction to women determine who you are. It is not necessary to try self- determining at all costs if you are not sure in your feelings. Sexuality changes and develops in time, and your self-identification will come by itself.
Still, if you think that you are a lesbian, don't freak out and don't try to delude yourself. To be scared of your sexual identity is a sign of fear to face your personal identity and to accept it as it is. Don't try to compare yourself with other lesbians who you know or whose sexual identity you're aware of. Don't succumb to stereotypical thinking. Some lesbians hide their sexual identity, others don't. Don't compare to them, be yourself. And lesbians as heterosexuals women have different outlook, behaviour, and appeal. Stereotypes originate predominantly from prejudices, and often the stereotype for one group can be valid for none of its members, for couple of them, or for a big part of the group. But the stereotype cannot be valid for all members of the group. There are cases when the fear that people can discover our sexuality, or the fear of facing our our sexual orientation could make us behave contrary to our natural disposition. For example, to behave over- feminine or way too nicely to men, so that people don't think of us as lesbians. Who we actually are.

REMEMBER: You don't have to prove anything to anyone! Just be yourself!
Your life will become much easier and clearer once you overcome your fears to determine your sexuality. You'll be able more anxiety- free to think of the way you will admit your sexual preferences in front of your family and friends, whether you have to do it, what is the most appropriate time, how to plan your future education and vocational occupation. Those are issues that you have to consider very carefully because they are very important for your satisfaction by your future life. Realizing and accepting who and what you are will help you feel proud of yourself!

Why are you a lesbian?
No one knows for sure why some women are lesbians and other are not. Many theories consider the specifics of the genes transmitted by the parents. It is proved that to some extent genes influence our sexual preferences, and they determine whether we are left or right- handed. What is known for sure is that no one determines her own sexuality. None of the lesbians who I know has been attracted to women in her early childhood age. This fact speaks that most women discover their sexuality around the age of 12 or 13, or in rare cases around the age of 16-17. It is a societal tendency to accept that everyone is...or wants to be heterosexual. This I call heterosexism! Many people still believe that sexuality is a matter of choice and that we, the lesbians, can be attracted to the heterosexual relationships in some way. Glorifying the heterosexuality, our society presents us with the dilemma of hiding our homosexuality or bearing the negative consequences of coming out. Societal mentality changes very slowly, and it will take quite a while before people learn to accept us as normal people- as they accept the left - handed. In addition, one can notice that people change their personal attitude toward one lesbian easier than toward homosexuality as a whole (including the male homosexuality) or to the lesbians in general.

The period of adolescence is full of strong anxieties, insults, fear, and loneliness. Many of my lesbian acquaintances look at this period of their life with sorrow and sadness. There is a widespread hostility toward homosexuality. People often nag on the young lesbian that she is not like the other people and many girls live with fear and loneliness by the thought that they are the only ones who feel attracted to their own sex. They learn to hide their true feelings and to behave the way society expects from them. They do so from fear of being ridiculed, harmed, or isolated by the ones they love or by their friends. In time, this double life can convince the young girls that they are different in any way, that are not normal, and that they are constantly disappointing people. Many women believe that if they marry, their homosexuality will disappear, but this transformation is impossible. Many young women get stressed out or depressed, and their emotional state impacts on their life as adults. What we should do is bravely face the truth and not allow the old stereotypical thinking of our society sweep away our identity and personality! Let's be proud of our identity!