What is it to be a lesbian?
Actually, the question ''what is it to be a lesbian'' creates much confusion not only among the heterosexuals. Something more, so many lies continue to be repeated over and over for a long time, that those become accepted as truths. Many of these lies impact on the societal attitude towards us. For me, to be a lesbian is a reflection of just one part of my whole identity. Yes, I'm a lesbian! But I'm also a woman, a sports person, a friend, a neighbour, a citizen, a coach, a colleague, a beloved, a Bulgarian, a Christian, an European, a blonde, and many other things, you name it. To be a lesbian means to be emotionally and physically attracted to a person from your own sex and the ability to share strong feelings with a woman. These feelings do not differ from those of heterosexual people. To be a lesbian means much more than to have a sexual intercourse with another woman, though sex is a part of the love life of two people...accordingly between any two people without regard to their orientation.

Lies...
Truth will liberate you...Upon revealing and accepting my true self, I discovered the truth and felt much freer than before. Now, I know that the reason for my low self - esteem and closing in myself were exactly those lies, distortions, and insincerity in my relationships with friends. All lies that I heard about homosexuality, and which scared me, depressed me, suppressed my self- esteem, and made me question my normality...Lies about the Bible's position on homosexuality, lies that homosexuals were paedophiles, lies that destroy the youthful years of our lifes... an infinite amount of lies... Lies about our ability to be good parents, lies that we should not get into contact with children because we may corrupt them. Lies that homosexuality is a disease and a sin; lies that homosexuals are perverse people. Lies that homosexuals are interested only in promiscuous sex with strangers in toilets and parks... lies that we have been disappointed by the opposite sex or are disliked by men...lies that we are ostracised and hated by our families and that our parents are ashamed of us. 
And all these lies give people the right to discriminate and abuse us, to insult us, or commit violence toward us...to ostracise us and be ashamed of becoming friends with us...To try controlling our lifes or isolating us.. Lies which easily pass from one generation to another, transmitted from parents to children and rooted deeply in the homophobia. Lies which proliferated in an environment of silence, fear of the truths about homosexuality, environment in which only the accusations against homosexuality were whispered and served to discredit or punish a person. These same lies which made so many of us feel inferior and hated by all people...by friends, Society, our family, and God. All these lies and delusions are the initial reason for the feelings I held toward myself. And they are the reason for the negative attitude that people have towards lesbians. All of us...lesbians, gays, and heterosexuals are victims of these lies. Truth is the other name for Freedom and Strength. And now, I know that to understand the truth for homosexuality is to know Liberty and Pride.

It is not a disease to be a lesbian!
Is homosexuality a physical disease or an emotional problem? No! No and NO again!
Psychologists, psychiatrists, sexologists, and all kinds of other medical professionals agree on the opinion that homosexuality is not a physical disease, psychological disorder, or an emotional problem. Countless number of detailed research cases during the last 35 years prove that the homosexual orientation has nothing to do with health, emotions, or social problems of the individual. 
The reason why homosexuality has been considered a disease in the past is simple and hardly admitted aloud now. And this reason is that research has been conducted only by psychiatrists who have had lesbian and gay patients with psychological disorders. There was no research on people who did not have such disorders. The moment this truth came out of the psychiatric institutions, the opinion that homosexuality was a disorder crashed, admitted wrong, and then homosexuality was taken out of the list of psychological disorders. By knowing how hard it is to acknowledge so decisively such a mistake, we can make judgements about the strength of the evidence. 
In 1973, the American Psychiatric Association made a statement about the necessity of more detailed research on homosexuality, so that the association reconsiders whether the latter is a disease or not. If the result of the research proved that homosexuality is a normal human condition, the Association would remove the term from the list of psychological disorders. In 1975 in a resolution, the American Psychological Association supported the psychiatrists in their effort to remove homosexuality from the list of disorders. Both associations insisted that all psychiatrists and psychologists must help in discarding the shameful connection between homosexuality and psychological disorder, with which some people still connect homosexuality. Then, the World Health Organisation officially de-qualified homosexuality as a disorder, and this decision has been supported by various additional research studies conducted by the American Psychiatric and Psychological organisations.

To be a lesbian is not a choice...you were born such!
I think that this fact is one of the most important things which every lesbian should understand. Attraction to other women is something which many of us become conscious of at a very young age, and this attraction makes us feel different from other children. And as many of us have this feeling since their childhood, how is it possible that we have been influenced by someone or something, or that we have made a rational cost-benefit analysis in order to become lesbians?! The only possible thing which might have impacted us is how we have reacted upon our  perceptions and desires. Naturally when we discover who we are, if we happen to be in a safe and tolerant environment full of empathy , it will be easier for us to confide out feelings and accept ourselves as lesbians much earlier than during adolescence. Unfortunately, such environment is very rare. And then in a desperate wish to be accepted as ''normal,'' many girls ignore, hide, or substitute their feelings until they are ready (if they do get ready at all) to come out and identify as lesbians in much older age when they are adult individuals. Of course, if they haven't made some horrible and irreversible mistakes up to this later moment.. The quicker a girl realizes that it is normal to be a lesbian and that she was born such, the less guilt she will feel for anything she has missed, and the better will be for everyone- for her, for her family, and her friends. Instead of looking for reasons ''why we are lesbians'' and why one woman can like other women, I think it is simply better to just accept this fact as a given and to put our efforts into constructing our lifes.
Let us be clear on something which sounds very logical:
If homosexuality was not inborn but a matter of choice, how many women would choose this sexuality??? Who would choose a sexuality about which society holds prejudices upon, hates, ridicules, and commit violence against? To be a lesbian is not easy, and definitely not an easy life which a woman could choose voluntarily. Many girls share the fear, lies, insincerity, and the constant obsession to hide their sexuality. Let us look at the matter in another light and ask the question this way:

When and how did heterosexuals choose their orientation?
   - They woke up one morning with the thought ''I decided to become heterosexual''?
   - They thought for a long time whether to be heterosexual or homosexual, read literature on the matter and decided to become heterosexual, or?
   - Their friends told them: ''It is better to be a heterosexual in our opinion - we chose heterosexuality, choose it, too.'' ???
   - They asked their parents ''Mom and Dad, in your opinion what sexuality is the correct choice, homo or heterosexual?'' - ''Heterosexual, my child.'' - ''Aright Mom and Dad, then I'll be heterosexual.''

Pose this question to heterosexual people and you'll see their responses about their sexuality. No! Sexuality is not something a person chooses at a certain point of her life. As we don't choose our tastes and preferences, the same way we don't choose our sexuality. The logic of those who claim that homosexuality is a simply a question of choice sounds ridiculous. I'm ready to agree that acceptance of homosexuality is a matter of choice and willingness for the heterosexual person. I also agree that the specific way of life depends on the choice of each individual. But how can I agree that my homosexuality is a matter of choice since I've never made such choice, and I don't have a single reason to make it. I grew up in a heterosexual environment where the attitude toward homosexuals was horrible, I've never been disappointed by heterosexuality (but I didn't find it appealing either), and everything I've listened about homosexuality was highly negative. If I have to give an answer to this question, then this answer would be very interesting:
I think that the only reason for a woman to choose to be a lesbian is that she is attracted emotionally and physically to her own sex. Oh, well...if a woman is not attracted to her sex why would she choose female homosexuality? If she is emotionally and physically attracted to men, why would she make a voluntary choice to be with women and not with men. There is no logic in such statement. The truth is that no one can choose her feelings and attraction to one or the other sex more than one chooses whether she likes chocolate or sea food deli. When one girl is a lesbian, she just has feelings which are different than those of the other heterosexual women. This is the only difference between heterosexual and homosexual women. And this difference in feelings and attraction makes us homosexual, and them- heterosexual. So, do people who argue that homosexuality is a choice, try to convince me that I'm not able to choose what attracts me and what breeds feelings in me? As I've said, I find such statements funny.
Most people discover their sexual orientation during their early adolescence when they still don't have sexual experience. And many women who discovered their attraction to women told me that they've tried very hard to change their sexual orientation for many years. And they always failed. These attempts led them into the arms and beds of many men where they always proved to themselves and the others that they were not ''abnormal'' by social standards but thus, they paid the price of a wasted soul. There is no known case in human history of a person who has changed her sexuality from homo- to heterosexual, despite the enormous pressure and numerous attempts to change oneself. Only one's sexual behaviour changed and did so forcefully, and such people paid the price of inner spiritual deprivation. For this reason, I can't agree that sexual orientation is a conscious choice, choice which could be made voluntarily and with a real conviction for the desirability of such change.

If you are a lesbian, this cannot change!
Some people will not like it, but these are the facts. Many institutions, organisations, doctors, psychiatrists, and so on try to and even state that they have been successful in changing the orientation of homosexuals. Such statements are absurd. These ''specialists'' accept the change of sexual behaviour as a change of sexual orientation. That is, they accept the desired for the actual. Female homosexuality is not a behaviour though. To be a lesbian means to have emotions and feelings for women in your heart and soul. And as we know well, no one can control her feelings and emotions, as much as many people would like to believe. Individuals just react on feelings and emotions, they cannot control them. We can just accept these feelings and allow our natural attraction to develop and express itself in love. Or we can force ourselves to suppress our natural feelings, but this practice will negatively reflect on our psychological well-being. Some people pretend that they have turned a lesbian into a heterosexual woman, but they cannot change her inner feelings and attraction, her essence and orientation.
Happily during the last years, scientists acknowledged that no therapy can possibly change the sexual orientation of a person, and that all attempts were very dangerous for the psychological state of a person. Unfortunately though, such attempts have been encouraged by religious organisations and leaders who motivate one unhealthy and absurd suppression of the inner human entity. 
During the 1990, the American Psychological Association presented a strong evidence that therapies for change of sexual orientation were harmful indeed. It is not enough to limit the opportunity of women to have relationships with women in order to change their sexual orientation. Or to force them into a ''healthy'' heterosexual relationship and marry. Actually to ''correct'' the sexual orientation of a lesbian, one should change her emotional essence, her natural sexual attraction, romantic feelings, and thoughts. And to change her self- identification and social identity. Is that really possible?

To be a lesbian is not just sex but love!
I don't know how...or why...but somehow sex...and especially indiscriminate sex, has been always associated with homosexuality. Indiscriminate sex, the one without an emotional attraction has nothing more to do with homosexuality than with heterosexuality. One of the traits which separates people from animals is the God's given gift of being capable to love and share our love with other people. This is a characteristic which makes us, people, unique. Love is much more than sex. Love is attachment and spiritual immersion of two souls, shared feelings, confidence, dreams of long- term togetherness. 
Love is the context of a life-long relationship between to human beings, and sex is only one of the wonderful expressions of this love. And sex has to be special in this love, not incidental, casual, inert. And to be special, sex has to be valued, full of love and desire for the beloved person. Such sex is a part of a long term relationship with a person who you love and yearn. When you don't have sex for the sake of it but as an expression of Love, the experience entails the full reflection of the Human in us. And in this sex participates not only body, but the soul, heart, and the spirit.
We are lesbians because we fall in love with women. A lesbian is not a women who has sex with another woman. A lesbian is a woman who shares her body, heart, soul, thoughts, and feelings with another woman and wants to spend the the largest part of or her whole life with another woman. A lesbian means Love...not only sex.
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