Women and their (lack of) confidence in beauty

People are attracted by physical beauty. But what is the thing that really attracts people to a woman? Not primarily beauty but confidence. People like women who are confident in themselves, in who they are... and this confidence expresses constantly, no matter of their outlook. In 90% of the cases, confidence plays a more important role than outlook for appreaciating a woman.

Many women don`t like their bodies.
Although only few women openly state this fact, almost every woman finds her body or parts of it ugly, repulsing, or underdeveloped. Men often pose to me the question: ''What do you dislike in your body?'' And for me, this type of question is a way of suppressing the women`s self-esteem and proving the male superiority. In such cases, I don`t respond to the question but instead, I talk in length how I`m in love with my body and how I find it perfect. This drives them crazy, although they probably guess that I don`t think exactly this way. A friendly minded person would not ask a negative, but a positive question: ''What do you like in your body the most?'' Anyhow, it is true that women don`t like absolutely everything in their body or even hate some parts of it. Women`s opinion of their bodies (including mine) is influenced by their relationships and contacts. And negative opinion of a girl about her own physical outlook can have disastrous consequences for her. Many girls think that they cannot match the standards for physical beauty. But let me ask: ''Who, in the world, has determined these standards?'' When I pose this question, in 100% of the cases I receive the answer: ''Someone else.'' Models in magazines, TV, and the cinema, the Barbie dolls, even the stereotypes... Once I participated in a show featuring fitness. The main topic, namely fitness, was discussed very little. Basically, the conversation focused on the idea that fitness serves to improve the physical outlook and self- esteem of a person. And there was the ever-present question: ''Do you like your body and what would you like to change in it?'' Sportswomen, gym girls, and even one model stated that they wanted to improve something in their physical outlook. But let me ask - whose standards did these beautiful girls take into account (including me) when they considered that some parts of their body needed improvement? Insecurity in one`s physical beauty and the underlining stereotypes come to girls` lifes very early - sometimes even in childhood. And when this insecurity gets engrained deep into one`s mind, it becomes very difficult to overcome it. Then, the latter reflects on the whole life of the girl, on her behaviour, interaction, and the decisions she takes. And when a woman does not like or even hates her outlook, when she perceives only her shortcomings and is inclined to exaggerate them, then her whole behaviour is based on self-defence. Expressions of self-defence are avoidance of contacts, self-isolation, strong unwillingness for social activities, and all those can lead to depressive moods, feeling of loneliness and isolation. Insecurity remains even when the woman creates a long-term relationship. The later can be well masked, but finds an expression when situation appears. Even when the woman finds the desired life partner, who likes her and accepts her with her real and presumed shortcomings, her insecurity remains and acts as a stumbling block to the relationship. This woman needs to be liked, accepted, and loved but at the same times, she is horrified by the relationship because she has to reveal her true self and to let someone know who she actually is. Some women never manage to overcome that. They can meet the man of their life...to marry him and bear a child, and still they insist that while making sex, lights are off, curtains fall down to the floor, and darkness hides everything. Others fear getting pregnant because they are
worried by the body transformation during pregnancy. They believe that people will be disgusted by this ''formless body''- as they say. In this case, insecurity shows its worst side.

The desire to look thin as the beauty standard dictates, drives many girls to constant following of diets and even to complete starvation. Convinced that they are fat and repulsive to people, they disturb their body balance and suffer heavy medical problems. Actually, the truth is that things are very simple. Physical beauty gives the first impression to people. It definitely helps if one fall within the standards of beauty, but looks are not determining in women`s relations with the others. Beauty standards are very diverse in different cultures, different geographic regions, and even among different individuals. Some like tall women with long legs, other prefer shorties. Some prefer thin women, others consider that more body mass is much preferable. Many men like big breasts, but many others are not interested in the size at all. And so on... But in any case, beauty is not determining for the length of a relationship. The confidence and self-esteem of a woman, her sense of humour, her tenderness, care, and willingness to compromise are all qualities contributing to a relationship and have nothing to do with looks. Each woman has to realize her uniqueness, to find and develop her strengths, and then to express them with confidence and sense of self- worth in front of the others. As strange as it sounds to a girl without confidence, there are many
people who will appreciate her if she gives them a chance to see her valuable qualities and if she finds strength to believe in those qualities. There is no woman who doesn`t have any valuable qualities, as there is no woman who has no shortcomings. All of us have some kind of inferiority complex and sense of insecurity, but those who manage to overcome them and to develop their strong sides are the most successful women. Even the most beautiful woman in the world will fail in her social contacts if she does not really believe that she is beautiful. Even the ugliest woman in the world can be a Goddess if she is confident enough. It`s all about confidence.

For more materials on the topic of self-acceptance, click on the links below:

	Acceptance of our worth
	How to learn to like ourselves