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When people tell me: ''I love you'', I respond: ''Thanks, I also love
myself!''
What is self-acceptance? To like and love yourself means the extent to which you like and
approve of your identity as an outlook, intelligence, capabilities, etc. Self-approval forms in the early childhood when you interact with other
children and face their opinion about you, about your actions and way
of thinking. Later on, many people become judges of themselves and learn
to assess their own actions but anyhow, the ways in which a woman makes
judgements about herself is also influenced by the opinions of her
childhood friends and the adults around her. And because self-acceptance
depends on those early years` experiences, the extent of self-acceptance
during the period of growing up will much depend on stereotypes and societal norms. Often, you don't realize the extent to which you accept
yourself. Many women think that they accept themselves really well and
that they like themselves, but the reality is not actually the same. Or
not exactly. Self- acceptance impacts on your conception of the good,
on your behaviour and the decisions you take about interactions with other
people, on your happiness as a whole. And this immense influence on
your life, even for the most trivial matters, makes it so important. Low
self-esteem is a result of low self-acceptance and can ruin your whole
life. In contrast, high self- esteem based on high levels of self-acceptance
can help you a great deal in the important moments of life. It can be a
source of your strength and if you have assessed yourself fairly and
without being influenced by stereotypes, self-acceptance can help you
throughout your life path. In the end, every person has a right to like
herself, her identity and capabilities.
How insults can impact on self-acceptance!
If during childhood, one person has been subject to insults, lack of
appreciation, or violence, it is natural that her self-acceptance will
be low as an adult. Insults and underestimation in childhood tells the
girl that she is not capable, approved of, loved, and has no value. This, on
the other hand means for the child that her wishes and feelings are not
important for the others, that they are ignored and not valuable. In
many cases, people help in forming the low self-esteem of the child. They
impress on the girl that she is guilty for the insults, violence, and
lack of positive judgements about her thoughts and actions. Naturally, the
grown up child has low self- esteem and very low level of self-acceptance. In adult life, (and this is also valid for individuals who
were subjected to insults and violence in their adolescence) these people
carry the conviction, consciously or not, that that they are guilty for
everything, that they have done something wrong to cause the bad treatment
of the others, and that their value as individuals is not very high.
Often, they feel drastically different from the others, less worthy and
capable, nondescript. They are convinced that if a person gets to know
them, he or she will not want to be their friend or love them. And all
this is an illustration of their low self- esteem and low level of
self-acceptance, impressed on the girls by the others. This low level
expresses in two ways: either you try to do everything perfect (the perfectionists)
or you become absolute looser, convinced that you won`t anyhow do anything
valuable. Self-destruction which low self-acceptance and self-esteem
causes can have an obvious expression. For example, not to eat... attempts
for suicide... drug addiction or alcoholism... joining a religious
sect... and others of the sort. Those are rare cases of extreme self-destruction. Most often, low self-acceptance and self-esteem takes
the form of uncoscious self-sabotage as you prevent yourself from developing
your potential, you fail in your undertakings and decrease the chances
that you will succeed in anything to the ground zero. Then, you tell
yourself the standard sentence: ''I knew this would not work'', and the
feeling of helplessness overcomes you. This is normal to happen if
one`s self-acceptance and self-esteem are low. When a girl is convinced
that something ''is so'' she will find facts supporting her idea that she is
incapable and not worth it, and she will ignore all signals and signs
proving that this is not true. And her conviction will lead her to wrong
actions. So, insults, mockery, and violence toward us directly impact
on
our self-esteem and level of self- acceptance and consequently, they
influence our whole adult life. It is good to think about that...! What can help you raise your self-esteem and level of acceptance?
Not much...but here are some things which, if not help will not harm
you either:
-
Believe in your own strengths- you are a person who undoubtedly
possesses valuable qualities. Absolutely every person on this world possesses such qualities in one area or another. Believe that you have
a capacity and don't be afraid to express it
-
Turn your whole attention and assuredness on your strengths instead
on your weaknesses.
-
Write a diary in which you consider every success of your own: good
mark in school, successfully passed exam, well-done job on the workplace,
help to another person, correct and timely reaction in any life situation,
appraisal or compliment someone has made to you, advice given to a
friend... wherever you can think of. Re-read your successes often.
- Believe in your positive self- judgements....it is very important to
learn to like yourself as a woman and as a person.
-
Develop the capacity to understand and express your own feelings.
-
Develop the capacity to discover your own needs and desires and to
demand that the others respect and react on them.
-
Accept positively and express satisfaction when you receive a good
word or a compliment from someone.
-
Repeat positive words to yourself ( I can do it..I`m capable, I am
strong enough to succeed in that...I`m appreciated by the others) and
even write those on personal notes to yourself.
-
Discover the areas of your interest, talent, and skills. Find
literature or something else which will help you perfect your strengths.
-
When you hear your ''inner'' voice saying:
''Girl... you presented yourself so stupid...'', try to understand whose ''voice'' is
that - figuratively speaking. Ask yourself whether you really think this way
about yourself or those ideas have been impressed on you by the others,
so that they can use you or look better compared to you.
There are many
things of this sort you can do. They might look simple initially, but
they can really help. If you have low self-acceptance and self-esteem, it
is important that you work to overcome it. The willingness of one girl to
improve her image for herself is the half way toward overcoming this
barrier. Women who overcome it become stronger than those who have never
faced such problem. Return at the beginning of this topic... And remember
than when someone tells you ''I love you!'' your response MUST be:
"Thanks, I also love MYSELF!''
More
materials on the topic of self-acceptance read in the links below:
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