Why should I come out?

To fully experience one love...You must have full confidence..
                          To be completely honest... You have to stop hiding and be who you are!
    To have full confidence...You must be your real self....
                    To be your real self...You have to be completely honest...

Why... one really good question.
Femmes often pose this question. Why should a women give up the comfortable living of hidden sexual preferences? Why should she openly state her sexuality? The very moment a woman ask this question, the response must be: ''Yes, I am a lesbian, and I am a wonderful person and human being. I don't need to hide my true self, and I'm not ashamed of who I am because I don't think there is anything wrong with that!". There are many reasons why one woman must come out, but all of these reasons are individual and the decision must come out from the person herself, without any impact or pressure from other people. A reason can be the desire to increase her self-respect (who likes people scared by their shadows), or she might want to gain freedom to live her life as she feels like, to be honest with her relatives, friends, and herself, to allow herself to be Individual... Nature has created us as we are. And if we are ourselves, we will be able to discover the mirracle of love for the first time in our lifes, liberated by the worries that we do something wrong or unacceptable, which will burden us if we are not our true selves. Really....a big part of the feeling, the beauty, the experience of this Love are crushed by our fears and sense of insecurity... even by shame... and only those who come out can appreciate love...
By the way, hiding sexuality is also something complicated and does not entail less problems than coming out. Life built on lies, hypocricy, and putting faces. Life in constant fear that someone can reveal our secret and take advantage of it. Life without Happiness and Love, life of stolen, hidden moments. Life without self- respect where shame, insecurity, and anger toward oneself pervade... And if at the moment, a woman who hides her sexuality reads these words, it will be difficult to imagine what is it to openly state that she is a lesbian and how many changes in her life will follow.And I mean positive changes. When you come out, you'll have a new view of yourself. You will perceive yourself as you behave, as your heart tells you. Isn't this freedom?! Unfortunately, many women view coming out simplistically as an act aimed towards the others, towards the opinions of the heterosexual and their view of the lesbian and its reflection on her life. When I notice such such understanding, I always think that the woman in question is too much afraid of the opinion of the others and that she is insecure in her own qualities and worth. This simply means that the woman is ashamed to be herself. And to live with this shame...is not a life. Again things boil down to self-acceptance, but from a different perspective. I'm absolutely convinced that coming out is an act directed towards oneself rather then towards the family and friends, and much less towards the society at large. But this often changes when one findgs a true Love. Because when you fall in love and the feeling is shared, when you experience the beauty of this love, fears and worries can disappear very quickly. And then you might want to share with your close people the sense of beauty you have discovered. Love motivates to reveal your true self. And despite that...to my disappointment, many women never make this step...or they consider the risk too great... or the fear has pervaded their souls...or they are simply contents with their lifes...and what they have... or they just have not experienced love strong enough... It is possible that Love is not a part of their wishes, dreams, and aspirations, but just something "on the side".
But let us leave them to their faith... I want to underline something very important that should be remembered:
Coming out will not change you, you will be the same person, the same woman you were before. You'd just be more open and honest with your friends and family, which is a big plus. Those who love you for what you are as a person and a friend will stay with you and accept what you always were, but they never knew. And they will respect you more. Of course on the other hand, your enemies will have another reason to hurt you... but that's why they are enemies...

Are you scared?
If you think you aren't, then better check your pulse... it is not possible to be calm. Coming out is surely scary. At the beginning, you'll think that you'll never gather the courage for such a step. Namely, the fear of being revealed is what first make us hide who we are and what we feel in front of the others and to pretend that we like boys. Some of us have put such masks, they are so scared, that they would rather die than be open about their sexuality. Actually according to one research, two thirds of the suicides commited by homosexuals are related to fears of being revealed and the inability to live the lifes for which they are created.

Why do some women find it so hard to come out?
The main culprit, I think is society which, from very early age, engrains stereotypes, views and behaviour specific to heterosexuals. Looking down on homosexuals is everywhere while growing up, the unfair blaming and wrong understanginds are something which haunts us while we are children and engrains deep in us during adolescence. the heterosexist culture brainwashes us perfectly and upon discovering our sexuality, it is difficult to accept who we are as normal, at the beginning.
Many times, the difficulty of coming out stems from the widespread stereotypes and from the strengh of the prejudices against homosexuality. Despite of the growing body of knowledge about homosexuality, we still grow up and live in an environment where looking down on homosexuals is normal and pervading and even an open hostility surfaces. No other minority faces such a problem. That's why coming out is an emotional problem for the lesbian. A considerable role plays the fear of being rejected by the circle to which she belongs and by the people she loves, the fear that she might loose the support that every young woman needs so much. A great impact on the origin of this fear can have religious prejudices and if the woman is a believer, those can make her think that she is guilty and sinful. Discrimination and fear can also force the woman to hide her sexuality for a long time. I'd like to emphasize that homosexual men are much more often subjected to ridiculing, violence, and discrimination. Things are different for lesbians. Personally, I have heard very few cases of open discrimination without obvious reason.

And despite, with all risks and fears...
...time comes when the pros of coming out prevail over hiding one's sexuality. If you have the courage, coming out can be an exciting and remembering experience. I don't know how to explain it. The satisfaction and pros of coming out, of being open and honest with your relatives and friends, is something that one has to experience and cannot be
explained with simple words. Your self- esteem will increase, you'll grow to accept yourself, and last but not in importance, you'll perceive yourself as a worthy woman. A woman who loves and deserves to be loved. You'll feel
an enormous relief. One unexplicable feeling of relief. Thoughts of the forbidden love which must be hidden will disappear and for the first time, you would be able to openly and honestly express your feelings to your partner. Believe me- you'll feel better.

Revealing your sexuality will draw you close to the people you love.
Of course, this might not happen immediately, but experience shaws that after the initial shock fades away, you'll find out that the barriers between you and your family, friends, and beloved one would begin to quickly disappear, and this will make you closer than you have ever been in your lifes.

Unintended consequences:
According to my own and my friends' experience, lesbians who came out faced many consequences of this decision. Some of them were unexpected and even contrary to our expectations
Here are some of the pros:
   · You'll find out that you can express your love more fully and naturally.
   · You'll start laughing and joking more often.
   · Your life will become easier. No more secrets, excuses, pretences.
   · You'll find out what actually is to be a lesbian.
   · You'll be in peace with yourself. There won't be a secret to hide and you'll really like yourself.
   · You'll experience a wonderful feeling of liberation...as if you broke free from your self-made prison.
   · You'll feel closer and proud around other lesbians.
   · You`ll be more open and honest toward everything and everybody aroung you.
   · You'll be more open and honest toward other minorities and you'll feel empathy for them. You won't judge
     people for what they are, and you'll win new friends this way.
   · You'll be less tolerant to fanatics.
   · You'll discover that you are more inclined to stand up for your beliefs.
   · You`ll learn a lot about what it actually means to be a lesbian.

Some questions you need to consider.
What is the most wonderful thing that can happen if you come out. Imagine one real love, full of value which fills your life with meaning and happiness. Is there anything greater that you want from life? Think about that really. As most people, you have probably put up with the thought that you will live and may be die alone... but despite that in your thoughts... Think how often this dream has filled your night hours... about one romantic, full of emotions life in which you can fully express your Love and passion, which fills you and makes each fibre of your body tremble... you will be able to fullfil this dream... If you had it, of course.
Naturally, you have to ask the opposite question: "What is the worst thing that can happen if you come out?" And what it it??? Someone will kill you? You'll get fired? You'll lose your friends?All right...Let us accpet that your worst fear comes true- whatever it is! Let us put on the scales the best and the worst... your dream happening in real life and your fear becoming reality...Which counts for more??? Is your dream worth the risk? Is it worth the price??? And there is the possibility that only your dream awaits you without the expected negative consequences... Huge pay-off! But we are people... and women...And as such we are inclined to pay attention and to be controlled more by our fears. And this is exactly what keeps us from breaking the walls of our prisons.
Remember: After coming out, you'll control your life instead of your fears controling it. So, take the life in your own hands! Control it by yourself!